Ahr dentist's reight good. 'E 'as a fine touch.
'E's gentle an' skilful an' 'e doan't 'urt thi much,
'E oppens thi gob lewkin' fer t'teeth 'at's gone bad.
'E knaws what 'e's up to though 'e's nobbut a lad.

When ah wor a lad we'd dentists at t'schooils,
But t'way they pulled t'teeth aht they were nowt mich but fooils.
They wor'n't keen on fillin's - they'd pliers i'steead.
They yanked aht mi teeth 'til Ah'd few i' mi 'eead.

Bi t'tahme Ah left t'schooiI ther' wor nowt on 'em left.
It wor'n't really dentistry. it wor mich more like theft.
Soa John got to wark an' saved what wor theer.
An' t'way 'e went at it ther' wor nowt mich ter fear.

'E got rid of all t'rot an' t'mercury fillin's.
Which Ah'm sure 'as done mich fer mi 'ealth.
An' 'e's noan banner charge thi too monny shillin's,
Soa it doan't do much 'arm to thi wealth.

When Ah 'ad mi teeth done Ah didn't cahnt t'cost,
'Cos what is a cost of a tooth 'at is lost?
It's worth ivvery penny to 'ave a few saved.
A nice set o'gnashers is all 'at Ah craved.

No false set fer me an' all o'mine mended;
No rot an' no toothache, all that as bin ended.
Ah 'ave a nice smile nah wi straight even gnashers,
Ah'll eyt 'am an' egg -gi'e mi six big thick rashers.

Written by Don Halliday (a patient of John's)